Joseph was a very frustrated young man. He was living a life. He wanted to live a cartoon.
He went to his neighbour, Mr. Splat. Mr. Splat drew cartoons. He would know how to solve this problem.
“But Joseph,” Mr. Splat said. “You can’t live a cartoon. People like me draw them. You weren’t drawn. You were born. Cartoons aren’t real; people are.”
“But I want to live a cartoon,” Joseph said. “Then I could run on the air. Or fly in a spaceship. Or talk to animals and have them talk back to me. And I don’t think I’d ever have to sleep or go to school.”
“Where would you live?” Mr. Splat asked. “If you’re a cartoon, you have to stay on the paper. Or at least inside a TV. It can be very crowded there. And no one ever leaves you alone. And what if the TV goes on the fritz? Or you step off the piece of paper? What then, hm? What then?”
Joseph frowned. Mr. Splat wasn’t helpful at all.
Then Joseph had an idea. He drew his own cartoon. It was all about Mrs. Blam. When Mrs. Blam got upset, she blew up. Then she came together again. She ate a lot of candy too.
“Mrs. Blam?” Joseph asked. “How do I become a cartoon?”
“Just jump in!” she said. So Joseph did. And – poof! – Joseph was in a cartoon.
It was a very colourful place. And everyone was having adventures. Joseph had one too. He went to the moon, and he ran off a cliff, and he rode in a car that he drove with his feet. When his adventure was through, Joseph had saved the world from a lot of unpleasant things, like cauliflower with cheese. Everybody thanked him.
But then it was time to go home.
“Oh no,” Mrs. Blam said. “Cartoons don’t have homes. We live on paper. Or in a TV.”
“I don’t like that,” Joseph said. “I have to go home. We’re having spaghetti for dinner. And I love slurping up the little strings.”
“Eating?” Mrs. Blam asked. “Cartoons don’t eat. Not spaghetti or anything. Don’t you understand? We’re just ‘Let’s Pretend’. ‘Let’s Pretend’ doesn’t serve spaghetti for dinner.”
“But I’m hungry,” Joseph said. “And I miss Mom and Dad.”
Mrs. Blam didn’t answer. She was upset with Joseph so she blew up.
“What do I do?” Joseph asked himself. He was in a cartoon!
Just as he was getting worried and thought he might even cry, he saw a pencil. It was drawing like mad. It was Mr. Splat’s pencil.
“Mr. Splat!” Joseph cried. “It’s Joseph! I’m in a cartoon and I can’t get out!”
Mr. Splat jumped out of his chair. It was the first time a cartoon had spoken to him.
“What are you doing in my cartoon?”
“I was playing!” Joseph said.
“How did you get in?”
“I jumped in!” Joseph said.
“Then try jumping out!”
It was easier to say than to do. Jumping into something is easy; jumping out can be very hard. Joseph tried but couldn’t get high enough. Finally, Mr. Splat drew a stool. Joseph stood on it and tried jumping from there.
It was close and took him three tries, but he finally made it. Poof! He was out of the cartoon!
Mr. Splat was furious.
“You never should have jumped into a cartoon, Joseph. You’ve no idea what might happen.”
“I know now,” Joseph said. “They don’t even have spaghetti.”
After that day, Joseph never jumped into a cartoon again. He liked living in the real world. It tasted better and the meals were on time.
1996